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VOICE WEEK #1 Bookstore

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Prompt: Bookstore

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The hazy light fluttered through the window into the dusty depths of my place of work. I heaved a stool heavily over to the cash register and took a seat, ready for the influx of strange and wonderful to arrive. A shallow breath and one does; the bell tinkles as the door opens. A mousey-faced senior citizen enters and peers into the no-doubt-sketchy depths of the store. His nose wrinkles, but like a soldier with his orders, he plows in and begins his voyage. What does he look for? I sit up straighter.

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About otakufool

I just want to let my opinions be heard, and let my writing be viewed.

16 responses »

  1. “I heaved a stool heavily over to the cash register and took a seat, ready for the influx of strange and wonderful to arrive. A shallow breath…”

    Feels like a male character. Heaving is good, tells us he’s not in good shape, bookish. Wonder if you mean heavy stool? Also look at “shallow” coming right after this sentence…it’s great to feel his lungs and breathing with him, so the instinct is right on. Just look at the transition from heave to shallow. Maybe it’s as simple as rearranging the sentence so the bell precedes a shallow breath.

    Look forward to reading more from you,
    Robin

    Reply
    • Thank for the reply! And welcome 🙂

      I think you’re probably right about the “heavy stool” grammatically, but I wanted to convey the difficulty of the action itself, rather than anything about the stool…now that you mention it, I did it poorly and would love any insight you have on how to correct it!

      the “shallow breath” was meant to be in surprise when the bell actually rings, again, poorly constructed

      Thanks for all the advice! I hope you stick around for more!

      Reply
  2. I felt like I was in an old antique style book shop especially when the bell tinkled. The narrator is a curious creature, he or she obviously looks forward to their work and the people that come in but to me it was not yet clear as to whether that joy was over the people or the books they chose. I can’t wait to find out. I look forward to your next piece.

    Reply
  3. The pride and certainty of the protagonist in their store comes through most strongly. The descriptions of the dark, heaviness of the store, its obviously stacked from floor to ceiling with books vibe, is lightened by this certainty of the the protagonists voice. You know you are in good hands as a customer.

    Reply
    • scribbla! Nice to see you 🙂 Thanks for the comment and read 🙂

      I would definitely go to this bookstore…with a whistle and a torch but still 😛

      Reply
  4. The senior citizens resolve is described wonderfully! This sounds like a teenager or young adult to me – maybe at the choice of the word “sketchy”! Nice job!

    Reply
  5. Pingback: VOICE WEEK #1 Bookstore « Coeval Cornucopia « Voice Week HQ

  6. Oh, I love “the influx of strange and wonderful” and “no doubt sketchy depths.” For some reason, I get male, but I can’t settle on an age. I love his curiosity, and his ability to find amusement in what some might consider a mundane job.

    Reply
  7. This shop sounds like one I would love to visit – sounds like it goes on forever and is stacked, ceiling to floor, with books.
    I see that Robin saw this voice as an older guy, maybe not too well, ‘heaving the stool heavily’ – strangely I got an image of a younger person, possibly female, an effort to get the stool, ‘slouching’ because she sat up straight when the first customer came in, who was actually a bit bored at the start of another day in a job she didn’t really like.
    Strange how we can see different things – I suppose that’s the magic of words.
    I loved the introduction of the senior citizen, especially the words ‘plows in and begins his voyage’. I wonder what he”s looking for?
    A great read, looking forward to Voice 2.

    Reply
    • Yes, I would love this store too! I would probably spend days in there without even realising 😛 Yes! Another correct guess 😉 Indeed it is! I somehow wish I had left the gender ambiguous for a while longer just to see what replies I got.

      Thanks for the comment Mike! Hope to see you again!

      Reply

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